Reformed theology is a wonderful thing. For many Christians who "discover" the riches of Reformed theology - after many wandering years in the Semi-Pelagian wilderness - it's almost like a second blessing... A necessary part of Reformed theology is what we can call the apostolic "NOT that, but THIS." Read Paul's epistles - and then read the likes of Luther and Calvin - and you'll see what I mean. The Gospel is counter-intuitive. Men - even redeemed men - have a tendency to diminish the radical corruption of sin, and as result, the radical wonder of God's grace to us in Christ. Paul must tell the Galatians, and even the Corinthians, "NOT that" (your varied distortions or denials of the Gospel, with the raising up of your own righteousness), "but THIS" (the glory of the grace of God to us in Christ crucified - who alone is our righteousness). Reformed theology, likewise, in an effort to be faithful to the apostolic Gospel, must say, "NOT that" (Joel Osteen, Arminianism, fundie legalisms, etc), "but THIS" (Christ's Cross and Righteousness alone).
However, a sad reality is that many who make the pilgrimage into Reformed theology seem to trade their old self-righteousness ("I don't smoke or chew or dance with girls who do," etc), for a completely inappropriate NEW self-righteousness ("I thank you, God, that I am REFORMED, and not like those awful Arminians, fundies, and Pentecostals"). In other words, their supposedly new gains in theological maturity do not translate into a grace-driven spiritual maturity. One legalism is swapped for another.
What's the remedy? Perhaps it is to recognize that the "NOT that" of Reformed theology is not the heart of the matter; the "but THIS" is the most important thing. The negations are necessary, but not sufficient for spiritual maturity. At the heart of the "but THIS" of Reformed theology is THIS: I am a GREAT SINNER (radically depraved, helpless and hopeless to save myself), and Christ is a GREAT SAVIOR (the radical wonder of His grace and mercy to me). God have mercy on me, a sinner. Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am chief. Amen.
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